Running
by The Smiling Shadow
Summary: Kurt has found a home among the X-men. He reflects on his beliefs, his life. He sees how much he has been running. But he's not going to run away anymore...


Run  
  
I always used to run. Run forever, just run away. Get away from the peoples' staring eyes, full of hatred for something they cannot understand. For something they are not willing to understand. It is almost pitiful, no one will see the beauty beyond the surface. That is not what god intended, or even wished for his children. But we are not perfect. We are human, all of us. I cannot blame anyone because of that.  
  
I've run a lot, even with my family in the circus. Running. Running away from everyone. One must sometimes, especially if one is as different as me. Sometimes one must leave the rest of the world. One must search thy's self. One must search for god sometimes. I do that a lot. I have to. I run so much. . .It's good to believe that god is running with me. Watching over me, making sure no harm comes to his Nightcrawler.  
  
Just disappear in a puff of smoke, gone, gone to another place, away from thou. I wonder way I go when I teleport. Is the smoke really cloud? Is it the clouds of heaven? Or is it the smoke of hell? I used to wonder if I was a demon. A fallen angel that did not make it to hell. But I do not wonder that anymore. I can't. Or I would be nothing. I cannot believe that. A demon cannot love like me. I cannot doubt myself. I have to be this way. I have to disappear in a cloud of smoke, to be gone when it all clears.  
  
I like to believe that I am not cursed, but blessed. I am here for a reason. God has a plan for me, just like he does for all of us. I am here, I like to think, to begin the future. I am here to show that I am not a demon, I am Kurt Wagner. But most people are not ready. . . They do not even try, they see me, and in their eyes I am a demon. So I run from them. They chase me sometimes. Wanting to kill their own brother of man just to satisfy their hatred. . . The world I live in is not a pleasant one. Now is a time of change. And even man fears change.  
  
Maybe that is why I can teleport. Maybe it is a gift. To help me from harm. So I may run. Maybe that is just another gift, another blessing, and another plan. I have to believe that. I run so much. I teleport away. Away from their eyes, and their hatred. I go alone, I go to god. I teleport, I run away, because that is all I could do. I teleported to god. I went to the abandon churches, I stood under his eyes, questioning. But I don't question anymore, not after what has happened to me. I have to go to god. I have to believe in him. To know that he plans for something greater, better for his children. I love god. I have to. For without him, I would have no reason to go on, to keep running. Without god's love, the belief that he loves me, that he has a purpose for me. For without god. Who else would love me?  
  
But now I know that there is a purpose for me. Look what has happened to me? I. . . I fought along side them. The X-men. They are like me. They do not judge me, they can see, they have opened their eyes. I ran away from the others. But I cannot run away from them. I can't teleport away anymore. I can't go to god. Not this time. Because I know in god's plan, I am here. With them. Among them.  
  
No more running. No more. I am to be here. I know it. I believe it. Maybe I can be loved here too. . .  
  
So I stand her in front of you, god. I stand in this small chapel in the back yard of the school. I can hear the sounds of children's laughter, as if the angels were singing themselves. The sun has come up, making a beautiful sunrise just for me. The flowers are blooming here in the garden. The wind gently blows, as I wag my tail. The others are mourning, just as I. But their wounds are healing. We cry for the lost of Jean Grey. But I know you have taken good care of her. I know she is somewhere, watching us, wishing we wouldn't cry when we do. She died, perhaps for a greater purpose. But that is only what I believe.  
  
I stand here. In your eyes. Do not worry my lord. I am not going anywhere. No more running. 


End file.
